How to Deal with Rude People

“Whoever one is, and wherever one is, one is always in the wrong if one is rude.”  ~Maurice Baring

I subscribe to a blog by Jennifer L. Scott called “The Daily Connoisseur”, who just posted yesterday about “how to deal with rude people.”

We’ve all either dealt with rude people or we were the rude person.  Been there, done that… am I right?

Ms. Scott just named a couple of ways to deal with rude people and then gave a cute anecdote about how she herself failed to follow her own rules on how to deal with rude people. (http://dailyconnoisseur.blogspot.com)

Jennifer advises that we should pause and then mentally “wish them well and send them love.”

I have to agree with that concept. It’s always a smart idea to hit the pause button and mentally take a step back before you blow up and say or do something you’ll end up regretting.

The second piece of advice she gave was to “kill them with kindness.”

Okay, I’ll agree with that as well, but you don’t want to over-do the kindness or it will border on sarcasm rather than genuine kindness.

One website I found, www.lifescript.com, also had an article on how to deal with rude people (check it out here: http://www.lifescript.com/soul/self/growth/excuse_me_how_to_deal_with_rude_people.aspx).

The author of this article, Wendy Travis, suggests that there could be underlying reasons that a person is being rude and once we recognize those reasons, we can better deal with that rude person, whether it be by ignoring their behavior or by having a bit of compassion for them.

Since I am being honest in my blogs, I will admit to being rude more times that I should or more often that I have the right to be. I will not defend my rudeness nor will I excuse it, because there really is no excuse for being rude. However, I am learning to recognize when I’m being rude and I am taking a mental step back and questioning myself about why I’m being rude.

Did I get up on the wrong side of the bed?

Did I have a bad dream and now I’m taking it out on everyone?

Did I stub my toe and let out a string of profanities that only a sailor would dare to say?

Did I forget to take my “I-ain’t-gonna-be-a-bitch-today” pill?

If I can’t come up with some sort of explanation for my rudeness, then I eat a bit of crow and apologize for my attitude, because it’s the right thing to do!

There are several areas in our lives in which we (yes, I mean you, me and the people around us) should watch out for the “rude bug.”

Do you work in customer service or do you answer phones all day (or all night)? Ever get a rude customer/client/person badgering you about what a crock of crap the service is or why they had to hold for so long or whatever?

Those people are simply upset with the situation and they need to vent. Simply apologize for their inconvenience and offer to help them in any way you can. For example, “I’m sorry that this situation has inconvenienced you, but rest assured, I am here to help you with this.”

Then there are those rude emails or texts from fellow employees or employers, or from friends or family members. Not only do I hate dealing with rude, and sometimes hateful, emails but I really hate texting. In both methods of correspondence, words or phrases can be taken out of context and be construed as being rude or mean-spirited.

I think everyone is guilty of reading an email or text, then responding without taking too much time to think about it, and hitting the “send” button before we actually had a chance to analyze the email or text. We’ve all “been there, done that.”

Ms. Travis suggests that if the email contains foul language, that we should contact that person’s ISP to alert them of the situation. Apparently foul language violates the senders ISP agreement. Then you can either ignore the email (or text), or you can respond by letting the sender know that you were hurt and offended by the language they used in the email, but be polite in your response!

Also, the “office jerk” is everywhere, but there are methods to dealing with such a person.

According to Ms. Travis’ article, “The Institute for Management Excellence has a number of steps that teach how to deal with rude people. The first step is to try polite confrontation to see if you can nip the behavior in the bud. Some people do not realize that they are behaving rudely, and others may back down if they are confronted directly. If confrontation does not work, try avoidance. Limit contact with the person by keeping conversations short and meetings to a minimum. If you must meet with the office jerk, try to remain standing throughout. Stand-up meetings can accomplish just as much, but in a generally shorter period of time. Also, do not share any person information with this person, whether in person, on the telephone or through email.”

Another thing I think we’ve all dealt with — rude retail personnel! Hopefully you’ve all kept your cool and not lowered yourself to their level by reflecting their rudeness back onto them.

Unfortunately, nowadays more and more retail workers have become apathetic employees who turn into rude people at the cash registers. How do you deal with that?

First of all, Ms. Travis suggests not letting the employee monopolize the conversation. ” Make your needs known clearly, assertively and politely right from the beginning. If your request is not answered in a courteous way, ask to speak with the manager,” she says.

Ms. Travis goes on to say that “if a manager is not available, get a name and number to contact later, fill out a feedback card or contact the corporate office of the company when you get home. Email makes this process exceedingly easier, and often letting the head honchos know about your predicament will get you the response that you were hoping for. If you do not get a positive reply from your effort, perhaps it is time to go public with your complaint. Let others know that this is not a company to do business with in order to prevent them from experiencing a similar situation.”

I have known people who have emailed corporate headquarters about a rude cashier or a rude manager or poor service, and they received a gift card or something similar in the mail a few weeks later. Pretty cool, eh?

Another thing I don’t like dealing with are rude children or teenagers. Where did their attitudes come from? Oh, right… their parents or guardians or friends!

When I’m confronted with a rude child or teenager, I often feel the urge to spin them around and whip their arses. Then I come to my senses and remember, “You’re not my child. Where is your mom or dad? Maybe I need to whip their arse for raising such a rude child!” Then I come to my senses again and calmly walk away saying to myself, “That is one of the reasons I decided not to have children!”

Rudeness is a learned behavior. A child learns a behavior from those around them, and if those around them are rude then that child will also be rude. So “check yourself before you wreck yourself.”

Anyway, what whatever the situation, do not lower yourself to their level. Keep a positive (and healthy) attitude when you are dealing with a rude person or with rude people. Also keep yourself in check when you realize you are being the rude person. And do what Ms. Scott suggested, “wish them well, send them love, and kill them with kindess.”

How do you deal with rude people? I’d love to hear from you!

Have a great day!